Self-love is behind you

‘I had an experience of real self-love this morning.’

I’m on the phone, as usual, talking with my best friend Gina.

‘Really?’ she asks half listening.

‘Yeah, I was standing in front of the mirror naked and I bent over to pick up my bra after dropping it. I looked round and caught site of my arse in the mirror and I felt a surge of sexual attraction and love for myself.” I paused for effect.

There was silence followed by coughing and spluttering

‘DO YOU MIND” she screamed in between fits of coughing, “I was drinking coffee. You could have warned me before dropping that bombshell” she laughed out loud.

‘Looking at your own arse, eh?” she continued laughing, “hilarious.”

I gave my friend time to stop laughing while an idea formed in my head.

‘Do you think it could catch on as a thing?’ I asked when she was finally quiet.

The coughing and spluttering started again.


Three weeks later and I have twenty expectant women sitting in front of me. They have booked on to my “backward self-love” class.

‘Ladies,’ I announce, ‘this is revolutionary. You are about to learn the true meaning of self-love.’ I watch the excitement in their faces grow.

‘Please go and stand in front of one of the mirrors in this room.’

As the women follow my directions I wait to deliver further instructions.

‘Now, I want you to undress. Get completely naked. Then turn round and look at your own arse.’

The women look at each other hesitantly. Did they hear right, they wondered? One woman began to remove her clothes as others spoke to each other in whispered tones.

‘Go ahead now ladies’ I encouraged. Your self-love is to be found in your behind.’ I smiled triumphantly as I delivered the news.

In the end, ten ladies walked out, five demanded their money back, one fainted and the other four? Well they got naked and admired their own arse. . . and each others.

A brilliant start I thought. From small acorns.

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